Wonderland
by lostsoul512
Summary: He wanted to save her. But how can you save someone else if you cant even save yourself? How can you ward off the shadows when they are living inside of you?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Back by demand! I do not feel it necessary to point out that I do not own Twilight, but I would also like to graduate from Drake without being arrested. So there. I don't own it.

P.S: This is a human fic. Enjoy :D

XXX

A very wise man once wrote that 'Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.' I wonder if he knew what it felt like to succumb to those wraiths.

I wonder if he knew what it felt like to be me.

XXX

It might have been my third or fourth day without sleep. A normal human being should have been shutting down by now. But I was far from normal. Indeed, I had never claimed to be anywhere near it. Now it seemed as though my senses were heightened, racing. My golden eyes dashed about the room, ears twitching at even the slightest noise. Watingwaitingwaiting. Always waiting for something. I was beginning to think it wouldn't ever come.

"Mister Whitlock," the man's harsh voice echoed throughout the miniscule room, ringing in my ears until it hurt. "How are you feeling?"

I hated that question. Four simply words that demanded an answer so complex it could have taken eons to reply. Perhaps mere words could not even express it. Emotions were much too chaotic to be explained completely.

But that was why I was here, wasn't I? They told me that nothing was wrong with me, that I was just as sane as anyone else. But if that were true I wouldn't be locked up in here while the rest of the world went on living. These were the things that I should have been saying to the man across the mahogany ocean. All the things he didn't want to hear.

"Fine," I muttered. I should have been trying harder but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I could not live their lie for them.

"Why do you insist upon playing these games with me, Jasper?" The man demanded. "I only want what's best for you."

No, he didn't. I was a rat in a cage. I was an experiment. I was a plague, and he was determined to find the cure. Well, you couldn't heal what wasn't sick.

"I'm fine," I repeated, harder this time. "I don't know what games you're speaking of."

He held my gaze steadily for but a moment, dropping his eyes to the papers atop his desk. I moved my own stare to the window, wondering what it would be like to step outside for but a moment. To feel the sun and the wind, to hear the birds instead of the deathly screams of the other prisoners here.

"Why am I here?" I demanded of him. "What have I done to deserve this?" It was the same question I'd been asking since the beginning.

"We've been over this, Jasper. You know very well why you are here." His tone was controlled. He'd given up on me long ago. I knew that. Now he was just carrying out his job until I wound up so bad I just simply died one night. Or something like that.

As a matter of fact we had not been over it and I did not know what I was doing there. And maybe that was making me crazier than anything else.

XXX

Days all tended to be the same in that place. I awoke with the sun, watching the light seep in through the window above my bed. It was much too small for me to climb through, and the glass was probably bulletproof anyway. Escape was pointless, I thought. And then I thought, everything is pretty pointless.

Boredom is by far the ultimate punishment. Within a half hour, I had grown so restless it was nauseating. With a groan I pushed myself up off the God-awful mattress and onto my feet. I stretched a little bit, wincing as my back cracked with a sickening crunch. Pain shot through my body. I barely felt it.

On the table against the wall there sat a well-worn copy of Alice in Wonderland. Good behavior was rewarded with little things, things to help ease the boredom. Books, or notebooks, or sketchpads, depending on what you were into. I'd managed to earn a couple books, and when a wave hit me bad enough, I would lose myself in them. I would throw myself into the main character's shoes, pretending I was singing with the flowers or outsmarting the Queen of Hearts. I felt some sort of connection to the girl, so hopelessly trapped in the world she had created for herself, the hells of her mind which she could not escape.

I went to it, lifted it up. The cover showed Alice, with her curls of golden silk, leaning up against a mushroom of the brightest red. Oh, I thought, how it would feel to touch her hair, to hold her in my arms, to shield her from the monsters and ghosts that lived inside her. I would not let them win.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, guys, thanks for reading! I'm so glad you like it. Also, I would like to pause and disclaim Alice and Wonderland. All brilliance goes to Lewis Carroll, and to Disney for bringing it to life for all the children who have not read the book. Still don't own Twilight, although I find I am being infected with the Twi-fic fever. Or whatever it's called.

XXX

"Admit it; you lost. You might as well quit and keep your dignity."

I kept my eyes on the cards fanned out in my hands, refusing to exalt him with a response. Emmett merely laughed. It was Wednesday, which meant they expected us to socialize with the other members of our group. I was pretty sure the grouping was random, because I had found no common ground with any of these people. Emmett made alright company, on his good days. On his bad days… I wasn't even going to go there.

Playing Rummy had sort of become our tradition. I wasn't quite sure when it had begun, but it was a quick way to pass the afternoon. It offered us both a way to distract our minds, to focus on something besides the ghosts and the shadows. I looked down at my cards in dismay. Emmett was right; I was going to lose. But of course I couldn't let him know that now.

"Dammit, Rosalie, I'm not using that card yet. I'm saving that one," Emmett muttered, shaking his head as he spoke. There was no response. There never would be a response. Emmett was schizophrenic, and Rosalie was his delusion. He talked about her as if she was the only thing keeping him alive, and sometimes I thought she was. I never bothered to comment when he was talking to her. That was what made him happy, and who was I to take his happiness? No one. We all deserved a little, and Emmett was lucky enough to have found some.

Eventually he laid down his card, one I had no use for. And on it went. We spoke every now and then, but it was always meaningless chat. Neither of us liked to talk about our current stats, and I had next to no memory of a past As for the future… well, it was looking bleak. Gray. Dead.

"Mister Whitlock, it's time to return to your room." A woman spoke to me, her voice clear and soprano. She was a younger woman, probably in her late twenties or so. Red hair framed a slender face. Pretty. Not beautiful, but perhaps someone who would earn a second glance. I knew her only as one of them. One of the enemies. She would assist them in locking me up forever.

I rose to my feet, setting down my cards on the table. I didn't look back to see Emmett's reaction as his eyes fell upon the royal flush. All in hearts.

XXX

I thought that Fall may have been moving in. Out my window I watched a slight breeze begin to stir up the trees nestled around the dungeon I called home. Leaves broke free from their branches, their final, feeble attempts to hold on failed. I was sicktiredsickandtired of this all. Unless idleness was a disease, there was nothing wrong with me.

I closed my eyes, imagining that I was laying in a bed of roses. And I was happy there, really, truly happy.

I was not alone. Beside me there lay a girl, one I did not recognize. But she was slender and soft and everything I was not. And beautiful, too, with long hair of the darkest brown and eyes like amber. Her smile could have put angels to shame. It was only for me.

An ear-splitting scream from down the hall shattered the fairytale. My eyelids opened to reveal the same room, with its white walls and broken spirit. Like me, only my soul was far from clean. Taintedstainedblack. Self-condemned.

With a small sigh, I leaned myself back against the cold wall. In a matter of time, it would be dark outside. The world would fall into slumber, a few hours without the woes the daylight heaped upon their shoulders. And I would be here, awake, alone but for the ghosts and the monsters that were me.

Another scream sounded. Usually I wrote them off, and I was about to do the same with that one. This place was but a breeding ground for madness and darkness, so these types of things were not out of the ordinary.

But this one was different somehow. It was filled with a terror so real even I had a had time ignoring it. It was raw, and it scared me. The voice belonged to a girl. Some part of me wished that I could run to her, save her. She was clearly broken, and possibly on the verge of shattering beyond repair. Maybe I could take her and hold her, fix her.

Or maybe not. Broken does not heal broken.

Then it all was silent again. Perhaps they had managed to calm her. Perhaps they had knocked her out. I did all I could to push it from my mind. It was not for me to think of. I had my own things to worry about. Things like getting out, like proving to them I wasn't crazy. However one went about that. In that place, everyone claimed they were sane, even those who weren't. But, I thought, that maybe some of them were. Who defined insanity, if it all was relative? Who was given judgment, if we all were sinners in our own way? Insanity did not exist, but neither did salvation. So maybe I was better off in here than in the next hell.

p.s. thanks to Edward's La tua Cantante, aka my cousin, for the whole Emmett idea. Brilliant.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: As always, thanks so much for the reviews. It really means a lot to me, and certainly keeps me going.

XXX

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would." I read the words to myself, over and over and over again. I willed them to be true. A world of my own… without pain, without sorrow. Without the troubles of this world. How very beautiful that world would be. Why, how very close to perfection I would become.

"Mister Whitlock, the doctor would like to speak with you." I dropped _Alice_ into my lap, turning to look at the orderly. Her smile was meant to be inviting, I knew, but it only made me wary. That meant something was up. Something bad.

"It's Friday," I reminded. "I don't see the doctor till Monday."

She shook her head a little. "You misunderstand. Not the counselor. The psychologist." She could have lied. She could have made up some bullshit about him being busy on Monday. But she didn't. She told me the flat out truth. As if the twisted bitch wanted me to be scared. Because, let's be realistic. When living within a madhouse, there is nothing as terrifying as a psychologist. They were the judge, jury, and executioner of the whole show. They were the ones with the final verdicts, and they seldom brought good news.

"I don't need to see him," I said firmly. "There is nothing wrong with me."

"I'll going to ask you to come willingly," she said harsher. I gritted my teeth, trying very hard to swallow everything I was feeling, every dark emotion and biting comment. But I could feel anger welling up. I could feel blackness moving through me. Rising to the surface. And I thought I might just break. I might just snap on them all. Perfect Jasper, with the smile and the innocent denial. Show them how crazy I could really be.

"Jasper," she tried once more.

I stood, following her to the door.

XXX

The doctor's office was a grand room seemingly on the other side of the world. Behind the ornate wooden door rested a sea of wealth, books and desks and windows to the ocean. The nameplate reading Carlisle Cullen gleamed in gold. The man himself displayed none of these things, though. He was dressed in a simple suit and tie, his smooth hands roughly disheveling his blonde hair as he eyed the papers covering the desk surface messily. And I thought disorganization was a sign of insanity.

The nurse left me in there, closing the door. For many minutes, I could only stare. He knew I was there; I knew he knew. But interrupting him seemed much, much ruder than his leaving me waiting.

"Jasper Whitlock," he said at last. His head snapped up to meet my gaze, his eyes cold and pale.

"You wanted to see me," I murmured in response. I kept my face blank to hide the fear and rage mounting within me.

He didn't say anything then, but he beckoned for me to come closer, gesturing to the extra chair across from the desk. My feet moved without much thought; I never broke his gaze. My heart was pounding as a million thoughts rushed through my mind. Then, I sat.

Dr. Cullen smiled at me. "I have been paying special attention to you," he told me. That caught me off guard. Why would he be watching me? There was certainly nothing special about me, and I wasn't a troublemaker or anything. I was practically an angel, trying to prove to them that I was fine. That I was normal, whatever that may be. That I deserved to be free of their medical chains.

"Jasper, I would like to invite you to be a part of a sort of… study I'm conducting." Dr. Cullen spoke these words much slower, letting them take full effect.

"Like a lab rat?" I spat. "Your little science experiment?"

An easy laugh fell from his lips, but it was edged with a nervousness that did not get past me. "Of course not," he replied. "It would be all voluntary, But I believe you would be the perfect candidate for it."

I narrowed my golden gaze at him. "What kind of study, exactly?" I demanded. Perhaps I was being more defensive than really necessary, but the last thing I needed was for some untested medicine to be pumped into my veins. I wanted to be fully aware as to what I was signing onto.

"Behavioral, mostly. How you react in certain circumstances. If you test at a high-enough level, well, I question the doctor that put you in here."

My heart was racing. Joking. He had to be joking. If what he was saying was true, then if I played his little game, I could possibly earn my freedom. I could get out of here. I could be free.

My face was still expressionless. But slowly, tentatively, I gave a nod. "Alright," I said. "I'll try it. But the minute I don't like it, I'm done."

Dr. Cullen nodded quickly. "Yes, of course," he replied, like it was his life he was screwing around with. "But I don't believe it will come to that, and I don't think you truly do either."

To be honest, at that moment I wasn't sure what I believed. But there was one thing I knew to be fact: the future had never looked so hopeful.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Wow, sorry for the delay. Lie has been…. Crazy, to say the least. Hardly an excuse, though.

XXX

"So, let me get this straight. You agreed to be a part of the head doc's experiment?" Emmett was sitting across the table from me, a perfect spiral of spaghetti dangling from his fork. It was Sunday, the one day they let groups eat together. More bonding and such. I dropped my gaze to my own plate covered in the bloodlike mess. My stomach churned with a mixture of hunger and disgust, but in the end I brought a bite up to my own mouth.

"This could be my chance," I told him through my mouthful. "This could be my shot to get out of here."

"Yeah," Emmett scoffed. "If they don't inject some shit into you and kill you first." I rolled my eyes, but of course I could feel the same fear as him. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into, didn't know how it would all end. But there was a voice in my head telling me that it wasn't going to pretty. That was a voice I was desperately trying to ignore.

Emmett opened his mouth, looking like he was about to speak again, but instead he turned his head to the side. "He can handle himself, Rosie. No, you cannot yell at the cooks because there's no dessert." I offered him a weak smile. Once he had described her to me, and I knew that she was as real to him as anything else. I also knew that Emmett never really took his pills. "They wanna take her from me," Emmett had told me one afternoon, his voice filled with terror. "I cant let them get to her."

Most of the meal went on in silence. I ate, focusing on chewing and swallowing, letting the gentle din of the cafeteria fill me up. It was an easy way to focus on something besides my own tormenting thoughts.

"Jasper." Emmett's voice murmuring my name broke through the faux peace I had achieved. My head snapped up to meet his eyes, but I found that he was looking away. I followed his gaze right to the doorway, and immediately my breath caught in my throat. A pair of orderlies were there, and standing between them was an angel. She was looking down, her long tresses of near-black hair framing her pale face perfectly. She wore a knee-length white dress and a loose aqua cardigan.

"Who is she?" I asked of Emmett, hoping he might know her from some other sort of group. But he only shrugged. "She must be new."

The orderlies led her to a table, and one of them went to bring her a tray of food. She must have been in our group, or they wouldn't have brought her. Mixture of the various disorders could end terribly ugly. Our group was made up mostly of Schizophrenics and Amnesiacs. And me, whatever I was doing there.

There was an undeniable pull I felt towards the girl. I wanted to know her, to look into her eyes. I wanted to tell her t would be okay, that nothing lasted forever. I wanted to tell her that she was not alone. She was eating now, taking the most delicate bites I'd ever seen. I wanted to brush back her hair and see her smile. I knew that even that was too much to ask.

XXX

That night I lay awake, eyes memorizing the cracks in the ceiling, as they did every night. The day I started sleeping again I would truly believe in miracles. Somewhere in the godforsaken place, a woman let out a high pitched scream. I thought it may have been the same one as last time. Still I wanted to go to her. Perhaps it was just in my nature.

I thought that maybe there had been a time when life had been simpler. A time when I had known the warm feeling of happiness as it coursed through my veins. Now all I knew was the unshakable chill of the hospital room. The shivers it sent up and down m spine. The voices that whispered to me when I was all alone.

And I was alone, wasn't i? There were none who knew me.

I turned over on the pillow and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the flickering images behind. I waited until I felt the first tentative tugs of exhaustion, and then I tumbled down into the rabbit hole.

A/N: wow, sooo short. I feel terrible, I really do. I promise I'll do better next time.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Ohmigoodness, I'm sooo sorry about the delay. I just moved, and my parental are undergoing a divorce, so it's been a bit more chaotic than usual. And not the sort of chaos I usually embrace. I'm doing what I can to get back into character for you all, which is proving difficult. I'm terribly sorry for the roughness of this chapter. I promise next time I'll do better! Thank you all for standing by me through this. Everyday I keep getting more and more alerts, and it's made me really excited to write more. Wow, I'm stalling, so here it is.

XXX

The sky was the most precise shade of black. I let the night engulf me, wrap me in it's warm embrace. The stars had never seemed so real to me. I thought that, just maybe, I could reach up and steal one, hold it in my hands forevermore. It would be a constant light, a reminder to me that there was always a way to break through the darkness.

The nurses had been hesitant to bring me out. I's heard them arguing with Dr. Cullen through the paper thin doors for a good ten minutes before two of them came in to get me. They had been hesitant but after much pleading on my part, the had informed me that Dr. Cullen wanted to run some physical tests on me. Nothing major, they assured me. Nothing too strenuous.

I was practically giddy. I hadn't been outside in what seemed like a lifetime. Now with the stars bending down to kiss me and the slight breeze caressing me lovingly, I felt closer to freedom than I could ever recall.

The field behind the hospital was not particularly large, but it was large enough. Dr. Cullen was waiting on the far side. We reached him in a few short minutes, and in that superior way of his, he sent the orderlies away with nothing but a glance. Then we were alone. I was desperately trying to look anywhere but him while still attempting to hold my ground.

"Jasper," he greeted at last. "Welcome back to the world"

I smiled, though it was strained. "It's nice," I admitted. "I wish I didn't have to go back."

"Someday," he murmured. A moment of silence passed between us, and then he was shaking his head. "But, for now, you must prove yourself. Freedom seldom comes easy."

"What do I have to do?" The ultimate question. He knew he had me at his neck and call now that I'd been promised my release.

"I would like you to meet one of my companions," He replied almost instantly. "He is highly trained in his particular field. He can help you, Jasper."

Immediately I went on the defensive. My golden eyes narrowed and I took a step back. Dr. Cullen was unmoving, his expression blank as ever. "What do you mean, help me?" I demanded. "I don't even know how I wound up in here."

"Jasper," Dr. Cullen tried. His calm voice was the most unnerving of all. "Please. I urge you to remain calm."

Not that they were giving me a choice. A moment later I was being seized from behind, and the last of the stars were twinkling out.

XXX

Pain is inevitable. Everyone, at one point or another, will suffer some tremendous pain. Some are just better at handling it. Or hiding it. Or making it go away, in one way or another.

Pain was the first thing to return to my body. And when it did, it hit me hard. It sent violent tremors through my body, causing me to choke and cough and scream out for death. I tried to move, but my arms had been tightly bound in a straight-jacket, and my legs had been knotted together at the ankles.

I was quite certain I was going to die. Right here, right now. This would be the end of me. And no one would ever know. I didn't try to make sense of the situation, for it would do nothing to change it. No, I could see no visible way out.

And then I heard it. Soft at first, but certainly there. My eyes opened and widened as I took in the room around me. It was entirely empty, except for the table I was tied to.

"Jasper." My name broke through the silence, ever so sweet. And then my eyes fell upon her. My angel. My savior.

She was kneeling down beside the table, still wearing the white dress, her long black hair in unintentional disarray. Her eyes were wide and fixed only on me.

"How are you-"

"Shh," she cut me off, pressing a single, slender finger against my lips. A shiver ran up my spine at her mere touch. "I will explain everything as soon as I can. I'm going to help you. But for now…" She paused. Listening closely, I could hear the sound of approaching footsteps. "You have to pretend to be unconscious," she told me. "I'll be back for you."

She was up and moving towards what appeared to be a blank wall, her movements too fast to see. A frown creased my brow; I strained my neck to watch her.

"Wait," I whispered roughly. "Cant you at least give me a name?"

"Alice," was her answer. "My name is Alice. Goodbye, Jasper Hale." My expression turned to astonishment as she pushed a little on the wall and it gave way. She disappeared into what seemed to be a tunnel. The wall fell back into place just as the main door opened.

A man stepped in, his reddish-brown hair all in tangles. His eyes fell upon me. My own expression was pure fury.

He dared to crack a smile. "Jasper Hale," he said slowly, deliberately. "Welcome."

"Who the hell are you?" I growled.

The smile did not waver. "That," he said, "is a very long story. But I suppose, you can call me Edward. Edward Cullen."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks, guys. It means a lot. As far as my parents… the situation is fueling some very interesting creations. Darker than usual. I'm taking requests for my next fanfic, too, since this one is slowly dwindling to a close. So be sure to pm me or just leave a reply or whatever. And now, I'm going to drink my coffee and eat my brownies, and attempt to penetrate the mind of Jasper Hale.

A/N: Oh, wait, so who knew that Alice was actually in an institution, like in the real books? Cuz someone told me that today, and I was like, oh, nice. It's the little things, I guess.

XXX

I looked up to Edward, my heart pounding in my chest. It's beats were irregular, like my nervous breathing and the flickering images in the back of my mind. There was something about him almost unnervingly familiar, though perhaps it was merely his relation to Carlisle that was so evident. It was in the shadows beneath his eyes and the unnatural glow they held. It was in the very manner he carried himself, and in the devious smirk he wore.

"My father has told me many things about you," Edward said then, breaking through the silence that had held us so tightly. "I cannot deny how long I've been dying to get my hands on you."

Well, maybe I was crazy after all, but I most certainly did not like the sound of that. Not a bit, actually. Still, I refused to let my fears show. I had to appear strong, lest Edward think he had some sort of upper hand over me. Which he absolutely did not.

"Why don't you get this damned straight-jacket off of me?" I suggested, my voice a bit too harsh. "Or maybe you're too afraid of me. Since I'm insane and all."

Edward threw me a scowl. I thought maybe I'd gone too far. But then he came around to the table and, sure enough, began unlatching me. A rush went through my veins. I had definitely taken a few large steps back, but now I was moving towards freedom once again. I knew I could get there. I knew I wasn't far.

As soon as I was liberated from that accursed thing, I sat up, taking a minute to stretch out. Edward moved back to his post by the door, his eyes never leaving me. Not that it mattered. For the time being, my ankles were still bound. And when I made my escape, I planned to use the same out Alice had. I wondered if Edward knew about it. I wondered how the hell this was all connected. And what part I would play in the grand scheme. And what the grand scheme entailed, exactly.

"As I was saying," Edward went on, "I would like you to feel entirely comfortable around me." Right. It was so easy to feel comfortable with people who have unexplained tendencies to tranq you ad strap you to tables. I couldn't help but think of Emmett's warnings. Would I ever make it out alive? I thought I might have a chance. I thought Alice might be that chance.

"You see, Jasper, we have a very advanced program here. Our creations are the most useful in the world. But they are also the most realistic, and for that reason, we cannot perfect them. I believe you may be the perfect… subject."

I was so, completely lost. So lost. But I was nodding along like I had any idea what he was saying. Like I wasn't utterly creeped out by his words.

"Jasper Hale, I would like you to meet Bella."

My gaze hovered at the doorway, watching intently until it swung open. The girl that came in was nothing particularly notable, save one thing. There was a vacancy in her eyes that could have matched my own. As soon as she had made her way into the room she turned around and fixed her eyes on Edward.

"She is virtually brainless," Edward explained. I watched the girl, the adoration plastered upon her face. Edward never even looked her way. "Which gives me complete control over her."

My mouth had long since fallen open. Edwards only smirked. "We intend to make more."

Okay, this was starting to sound like a very badly written sci-fi. A very badly written one. I was just waiting for Edward's face to melt off and reveal an alien. I couldn't even stand this. Either I needed to wake up or some sort of twist was coming. And it had better be a good one, because I was feeling sick.

"Not to worry, Jasper," Edward told me. "When I'm through with you, you wont remember a thing."

He turned and left then, and Bella trailed behind him like a lovesick puppy dog. The door latched, and I was alone. Alone, with no one watching me, and no one guarding the secret escape route.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Alrightness. Sorry for the delay, and thanks for the reviews. Like I said, Wonderland is very nearly over, so I'm not sure what I'll be doing next. Keep an eye out for me :D

XXX

Call me crazy- most people did- but for some reason I'd imagined that escape would be much more difficult. Generally these things weren't so easy as walking through a dark, damp, underground tunnel and coming out into some sort of dreary underground subway-like thing. It did get me wondering how long I'd been walking, though, because I'd been pretty sure I'd been in the middle of nowhere, and this place had a strangely city-like feel to it.

Letting out a groan mixed with exhaustion and frustration, I backed against a wall and slid down into a sitting position. My head was spinning dizziness and swirling colors. I had a feeling Edward had managed to inject me with something before I'd woken up. I tried not to dwell on that thought too much, closing my eyes. It only made it worse.

"Well. You managed to get out."

My eyes snapping open, I looked up to see none other than Alice standing above me. She had traded in the innocent-looking white dress for some dark jeans and a black tank top, covered with a long black trench coat. I'd been so fascinated with her outfit and the fearsome gleam in her golden eyes that I hadn't even noticed she'd been extending an identical coat to me.

I took it, pushing myself to my feet and pulling it over my bare arms. I didn't dare glance down to see the condition of my own clothes. "I think you have some serious explaining to do," I told her.

Alice furrowed her brows ever so slightly, and for a moment she only stared at me, seeming to memorize my face with her gaze. Or perhaps she was searching for something. Whatever it was, I doubted she would find it in me. Then she reached out ever so tentatively and took my hand in her own.

"I've been waiting a long time to see you again, Jasper," She murmured softly.

This time it was me who was frowning. "What do you mean?" I demanded, struggling to keep my tone gentle. "I don't know you."

Alice gave my hand a tiny squeeze. "You really don't remember me." It wasn't a question. I hated the sound of her voice, so shattered, like I'd just ripped her heart out and now she had no form of life support to keep her going. "What did they do to you?" Before I could open my mouth to reply, she was full out bawling, tears streaming down her pallid face, hitting the dusty concrete. And then she was collapsing against my chest and I was holding her up and whispering words even I didn't believe. And she was pounding her fists against my chest and screaming pain and agony and I couldn't do a damn thing to save her.

"Alice," I breathed against the thick tresses of black hair. "Come on, don't cry. It's alright."

She lifted her head to meet my eyes, holding them for several minutes. My lips parted just so. Then we were crashing against each other in a wave of spontaneous emotion, her mouth finding my own and kissing it fiercely. I pulled her closer in surprise, fisting my hands in her hair. Her tongue traced my bottom lip and then entered my mouth, brushing against my own. She moaned softly, pushing back until I was against the wall. For a moment, nothing else mattered, nothing else existed except me and this broken girl I so longed to complete.

I did not know what perils the morning would hold. I didn't understand much of anything, to be honest. But I knew that Alice would play a vital role in my quest to solve the mystery of my life. Maybe she had been the missing link all along. Ad whatever twists of fate had brought her to me now, I would not let them tear her away again. I would not lose her now.

A/N: Sorry about the shortness, but I thought that maybe the intensity made up for it XD


	8. Chapter 8

I'd never been particularly fond of loneliness, but I had viewed it as a natural part of existence. Even when surrounded by people, I'd always known that I was alone. Everyone was, at the end of the day, I supposed. People were people, who changed and grew and eventually left. And so everyone was left alone.

When the sun hit my face, I did not pause to consider a damn thing. My eyes fluttered open against the sting of daylight, and I rolled over to find Alice beside me, just where I'd left her.

Only.

She wasn't there.

I shot up into a sitting position, first searching for her and then taking in my surroundings. And all the while a dull sort of panic had begun to fabricate within me, eating me away. I tried to ignore it, but soon it was consuming me, and I could do little to stop it.

The room looked much the same as ever, all white and scarcely decorated. Above my bed was the pitiable window, bars and all. On the bedside table was my well-worn copy of Alice in Wonderland, opened to the same page I'd left it on.

My heart rate was steadily rising, my vision going red and black around the edges. All the while I was gripping the sheets fiercely, trying to keep a hold on reality, when all I wanted to do was break down and scream.

That's exactly what I did, a moment or two later. Then it was only a matter of time before the orderlies were in my room, terror evident in their gazes. I slipped away as they swarmed the room, doing whatever it was they were doing, measuring temperature and heart rate and blood pressure. I faded into the nothingness I had tried for so long to avoid. I let it take me willingly. I let the darkness shroud me and pull me under. I let go.

XXX

Nothing is a beautiful thing. Vacancy is oh-so inviting. I found myself in that place in between worlds, the place where feeling and absence are one and the same. When at last my eyes opened, with much effort and force on my part, and the nothing faded away, I found myself in none other than Carlisle Cullen's office.

He was sitting behind his desk, looking high and mighty as ever, wearing that blank face and a black suit. His eyes were fixated on me, studying me intently. I shivered a little, despite myself, but dared to meet his gaze. There was nothing there, of course, but I thought that maybe a spark of emotion may have lit in them for a split second.

"Jasper," he said at last. "Welcome back."

I narrowed my eyes, my hands clenching around the arms of the chair I occupied. "What the hell is going on?" I demanded, my voice rising a good two levels on the volume scale. "What did you do to me? Where's Alice?"

"Jasper," he said again, his voice calm as ever. "Please, let me explain. Alice was never here."

"You're wrong!" I cried. He had to be. He had to be lying, trying to cover up whatever screwed-up industry his son was running underground. "I was with her. I was-"

"It's all part of your delusion," Dr. Cullen stated, cutting me off. "I've tried t keep it from you, hoping you would forget, hoping you would get better. It's been almost three weeks since your last episode, a record time for you. But then… this. The nurses tell me you were ranting and raving about some underground science experiment. It's… It's never been that bad before, Jasper. I thought you were getting better, but you were getting worse all along."

I was shaking my head long before he had finished speaking. "You're wrong," I told him again. "Alice is real. All of this is real. I know what I saw!"

"You're schizophrenic, Jasper. In a way, it was real, though only to you. Alice has been your delusion for several years now, possibly even since before you were sent to me."

I couldn't listen to him anymore. I had to get out, had to escape. He was lying to me. He was keeping secrets, and for all I knew they could have been killing her right as we spoke. I had to save her. It was my purpose here, I was quite sure. I had to help her before it was too late.

"I know she's real," I spat one last time. Then I stood up and turned towards the door, fully intent on leaving all this behind. There was nothing wrong with me. there had never been anything wrong with me.

But Dr. Cullen's voice kept me frozen in place as the next few words fell from his lips. I stopped and turned just enough to look him in the eyes. Out of all he had told me, this was the one thing I was begging to be false. I was desperate.

"She was, once," he told me quietly. "I wish you wouldn't make me tell you these things, Jasper. You were happy enough here. Why must you bring such pain upon yourself?"

"Tell me," I growled lowly. I was so done with all the discretion. Whatever he had to say couldn't possibly be any worse than what I'd already gone through in the last two days.

"You killed her," he whispered. "And to cope with it, she became your delusion."

Though my eyes had gone wide, they saw not a thing. They were looking though the window, past the horizon, into a world that no longer existed, a place so far gone it was forgotten. A world that the proper combination of drugs could shield from my mind. Images flickered across my mind, images of Alice and I tumbling around in a tangle of sheets and moonlight. Of myself at the breaking point, at that place I knew I couldn't ever turn back from. Of Alice, laying lifeless in my arms as she bled out from her slender wrists, bathing me in blood. I'd done it for her. To save her from the monster I would inevitably become. Not that that justified it.

"Oh, God," I moaned. "Oh, God, you're right. I killed her. I killed her."

My chest constricted. My heart felt as if it might swell and burst. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. I vaguely felt myself hit the floor hard, heard the doctor screaming meaningless words. My eyes rolled up into the back of my head; my body was overtaken by tremors. And for the second time that day, I let go, and let the shadows creep into my frozen, lifeless heart.


	9. Chapter 9

A very wise man once wrote that 'Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.'

But, what that man didn't seem to know, is that sometimes the good things win. Sometimes there is just enough light to penetrate the darkness, to pierce it through and make it bleed. Sometimes you choose the bad, and sometimes it chooses you. But one thing is certain- you can always change.

When I awoke, I was almost unsurprised to find myself somewhere different entirely. This room I did not recognize, all dressed up in golden wallpaper and white canopies. I sat up upon the great bed, rubbing the last traces of sleep from my eyes. Across the room there was a glass door leading to a balcony. I went to it, opening the door and stepping out onto it.

The air was warm, engulfing me in its rays. I stared out at the horizon, where the pinkish sun was resting lazily, struggling to stay up.

"Well. You made it."

I spun around in a blur of motion, heart skipping a beat. Only I wasn't surprised. I was almost… expectant.

Alice offered a smile to me, one I returned immediately. She was wearing a loose-fitting white dress that fell to about her knees, her hair pulled back into a single braid. Her face was glowing in the setting sun.

"Alice." Her name fell from my lips softly, and at that moment I knew that everything had finally been set right. I reached out to take her hand, pulling her towards me. She rested her head against my chest. "I love you," I told her.

"I love you too, Jasper Hale."

She stayed there, in my arms, and together we watched the sun go down. And we both knew that when it came up again, we would still be together, here in out very own Wonderland.

[the end]


End file.
